I never had problems with my body until I started my gender journey. As a
child I knew everything that was going to happen with my body and I
couldn’t wait!
I was always very sexually open and curious. I started having sex at the age of 16 but always left disappointed. I hated having stuff in my Vulva. I always thought it was him, so I kept trying having sex with different men but that Hollywood movie moment where we both came together in complete bliss never happened and I didn’t really know who to blame.
At the age of 22 I started to get really tired. I was tired of having my period so I started taking birth control pills without the 7 day break in-between. I was tired of men, so I decided I didn’t want them in my life anymore. That really was the beginning of my transition, but I didn’t know it then. It took me another 2-3 years to really start naming things as they were.
Hormone replacement therapy led to top surgery in which I had my breasts removed. Some really rough things happened to me while I was in transition, so much so that I am not really ready to write them down. Finally, after 2 years of working through my transition I had my bottom operation, giving me male genitalia, my Penis.
Now, a few surgeries later I am done with my transition for a few more years. Now, finally after what feels like forever I am beginning to deal with a lot of past issues. I am so happy to be who I really am: being in the wrong body is a terrible feeling. So, here I am: happy with my body. Now it is time for me to say good bye to my old one. I am finally in a place where I can admit to myself that I once had a Vulva and a Vagina and that is OK. It has been hard for me because I can’t help but feel as though I’ve been kicked out of all the women’s circles. Its hard not to be hurt and feel left out by that. All of the sudden I feel 2 new things: sad that I can’t participate in ‘women’ things, because politically and emotionally I identify more with women’; and sad that I left before saying goodbye, for leaving my Vulva without ever loving or trying to make amends with it.
And then came Vulva Love Lovely :-) and let the healing begin.
2 comments:
So happy you've joined, Peter!
I've never felt so completely in tune with someone else's story before until this one. I've never felt completely female, granted, I've definitely embraced it and I've dealt with it, but it took a while to come to terms with it. Your story is amazing <3
Post a Comment