Meet Our Models: Leigha

My Story

    How exactly does one write their own story? I've always though of a "story" to be so complete and final, and if that's true, how can I possibly know how to start and my own? So I shall try, as best as I can. 

My Intro to Porn
    When I was around 8, I spent the night at one of my cousins houses. When everyone was asleep, they turned on to the pay per view porn channels. I remember feeling so awkward about sneaking a peak every once in awhile. I felt even weirder with myself at how the man and woman interaction made me feel; clammy palmed, shaky and excited.

Self-Exploration
    Around the fourth grade (damn that seems so young), I learned the act of masturbation. I would sneak off to my room, lock my door, and grab a towel to use to keep my hands clean. Every time I would climax, I would feel so ashamed of myself. I would think that God would think i'm dirty and I would tell myself that I would never do it again. Even though I was never really religious, God would creep his way into my young conscience and leave me feeling guilty.

With Boys Comes Changes
    I started dating in the 7th grade. My first boyfriend was a bust but my second one was great. I remember one date was to the movies. Being on a first date at age 13, we did a lot more making out rather than watch the movie. It wasn't long before I realized that my underwear were wet. I didn't know what was wrong! I actually thought that I had pee'd myself!
    A few years later I met a guy while living in California and he made me the happiest I had been up to that point. He was sweet and truly caring towards me. He was there for me when I had no one and he stood by me even when I was being shitty. I will always cherish him for that. Anyways one day while at my house he lifted my shirt and explored my bare skin and I let him willingly. I knew I wanted more and sometime later he slipped his hands down my shorts. That was the first time I shared my "special place" with anyone.
    When I moved back to my mom's house at age 16, I decided to break up with my California boyfriend. A couple months later I was approached by a boy who is my current boyfriend. Right away we became intimate. It was exciting to learn more about the male erogenous zones and to have another person learn about my own. Even though we moved fast, I told myself that I wouldn't have sex until I was 18 and an adult. That wasn't exactly the case.

My First Time (this was hard to write)
    Waiting to have sex is very difficult. There is so much temptation when you're already intimate with a person.When I had sex for the first time, it was in the heat of the moment. I wasn't ready. It wasn't very special or anything. It was rushed and impersonal. Needless to say, I regret it. After it happened, I was very depressed. I cried myself to sleep a few times and I looked at myself differently and with shame. I put my boyfriend through a lot of distress afterwards, not even taking into consideration that it was his first time also. I don't blame my boyfriend for it at all though. I love him with all my heart. And while that was a long time ago, I still get choked up thinking about it.   

My Vulva & Me :)
    Even though I was upset with how things turned out, I now know that I can't change anything from the past. All I can do, and all I continue to do is look forward. I inform my younger sisters about their bodies and tell them to be comfortable with themselves, because no one wants to have that talk with their mothers. And even though as of July 2012, at age 18, I still haven't told my mother about my sexual activity, I know she will be supportive. I am also blessed to have shared my not-so-perfect moment with my current boyfriend. He is my best friend and he supports me no matter what. He reminds me that I am beautiful even when I don't feel that way.  But while I still see my flaws, he is helping my accept myself for who I am and what I look like. Except for these damn thighs! (just kidding)

Far From The End
     I know that it is far from over, but this is how I will end my story: One day in the future, when I am a mother, I will talk to my children about their bodies and the natural sexual activities they will experience. I will also try to be as supporting, informing, and as loving as I can be, all the while telling them that they are beautiful no matter what other people believe is the image of beauty.

"I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think" - Weezer

This New Year: Change the Way You SEE, Not the Way you LOOK - A Body Positive Blog

Every year around this time Women all over the world decide that they are going to something that: instead of changing the way they feel about themselves will make them feel worse about their bodies. 

And you're picking up exactly what I'm puttin down. 

Loose weight, fit into those skinny jeans, blah blah so on and so on I look like crap. 

Now, don't get me wrong. Wanting to eat right, get fit and healthy, work your cardio: those are fantastic.

BUT

Loosing weight to look good is NOT the same thing. 

And here's a hard truth: You will never be happy with your weight if all you are doing is trying to look good. 

You'll reach your goal and decide you can loose another 5 pounds, then another 2- just to get rid of love handles that only you can see.
Don't believe me? Ask almost any 'thin' woman if she is happy with her body size.

It's the way society programs us, women especially. We are never pretty enough, never thin enough.
Still don't believe me?
Crack open this month's Cosmo.
If we could be naturally beautiful then how would anyone sell us anything?

So, to the point. 

If your New Years Resolution is to loose weight because you're not happy with yourself do YOURSELF something that won't make you feel worse. Do something that will change the way you see yourself. 

But what, you ask?

Every time you look in a mirror, 

find something you LIKE about yourself.  
And Girl, I mean EVERY time.

Even if its just one thing: that freckle on your cheek, the curve of your lips, your fingers or toes. 

Find something new every week and soon you will find there is a HUGE picture, a beautiful one, that you were never able to see because everything in our society tells you its not there. 

The first few times it will be tough, but after a while something awesome will happen.
It will be easy as pie. And the things you like about yourself will start piling up.
Write them down on your mirror.
I write them in red lip liner pencil.

 Why?

Because I am DAMN fine. 

Belly Dancing and Belly Love: A Body Positive Blog Post On How Belly Dancing Gets You To Love Your Body

Recently a friend of mine suggested I give Belly Dancing a try. Then, our VLL employee told me she did it and loved it.
Well, of course I said yes. I'll try most anything once.


And let me tell you, I am never giving this up.
I will be the first to admit that while I own a body positive website, blog, and FB community I am also human, and female to boot. The reason I do what I do is because I recognize what societies expectations of women do to our self esteem. I am not excluded from this and while my self esteem and body image have come a long way in creating VLL I still struggle with my feelings about my belly.

So, here I am at my first class with my belly out there for the world to see. I start to follow my teacher and very quickly notice something astounding: I am damn sexy.
Talk about a revelation!
I am watching my belly in the mirror and when you are dancing, feminine and sensual, you find out why your belly is round and not flat. Round bellies are purely feminine. At that moment, staring in to the mirror I actually found myself thanking God, The Universe, my Mother for this round belly of mine.

The roundness, softness and control that I found in my belly while I danced suddenly became a source of confidence and honestly: sheer bliss. I was in heaven and I was belly dancing. I was woman just as woman is meant to be.
I have been 3 times now, set up a belly dancing mirror in my bedroom so that I can practice every day and in just three short weeks I have gone from always hiding my belly to showing it off as often as I can. Right now? Totally wearing a sports bra and shorts. I am a t shirt and jeans girl even in the hot Florida summer. But right now I am not even questioning this soft, round belly that is scrunched up because I am sitting. I look beautiful. I am on the balcony feeling the fall air and I am happy as a clam.

So, really what I want to get across with this experience is this:
If you are a woman and you are shy because you feel like your belly is too round, too jiggly- get your beautiful belly to a belly dancing class! You will quickl;y find yourself falling in love with the soft, round jiggly perfection of your body.
If you are in South Florida here is the info for the class that I attend: http://www.majanile.com/
The teacher is phenomenal!

If you are outside of South Florida and would like to share your class location with us and recommend your teacher that would be fantastic!