Friday, May 29, 2009

Im Giving my Period a New Identity

Not to long ago a friend of mine was over at my house and she saw my mini model sitting on my desk and a burst of "EWWW!" escaped her lips.
Clearly I missed something, so in order to clarify I asked "what?".
"It looks like she is grabbing her tummy, like she is on her period and is having cramps. That is so gross." was her reply.

I was at a complete loss for words, comprehension, anything. Apparently cramps were enough to cause my friend what was clearly immense distress.

Why would someone react like this? I couldnt stop thinking about it. I went home and while watching The Mighty Boosh a Tampax commercial came on. I started to think about tampons. You throw them in the trash, and not just any trash, a special trash. Dirty. Your menstrual cycle is very dirty.
I started to think about Midol and Yaz commercials. In both mestruation = the devil. Cramps are his unavoidable, horrible vengence. In the bible we learn that pain while giving birth and menstruation were part of a curse that was placed upon us. Everything is telling us menstruation is dirty, painful, and overall unwanted.
But is any of that true? I looked it up. I found several sources that say menstruation is a natural, harmless substance that is not at all unsanitary. I could not find a source that said it was unsanitary or unhealthy in any way.
And it is really that unwanted? Personally, I would be devisated if I could not menstruate. Its become part of my life as a woman, and I love being a woman.

I read somewhere about women who have parties for their daughter at menarche. She gets a stunning red dress, everyone eats red cake and brings her red gifts wrapped in red paper and they get down with their bad selves. I had to find pictures of this no matter how long it took, because something to rare is going to be very hard to find.
Pics from about 5 seconds into my search:

Face painting, celebrating, pin the ovaries on the uterus and the vibrating nose. Wow, these chicks are having fun and it is all because of their periods. Periods and fun, what a crazy idea!
Well, I was not about to be left out. When my period comes I am going to celebrate her!
And I did.
I cleaned out one room, entirely. I organized, got behind all of the furtnature, bagged up things for goodwill. Thats what my uterus was doing, after all, cleaning house for a new beginning. I though I should take a hint.
I took a bubble bath and drank all of the chocolate soymilk I wanted. I made myself a favorite meal every night. I watched a scary movie cuddled up with my partner every night and every night I put on a favorite song and danced like an idiot.
This became a ritual for me. Every month I pampered, cuddled, ate some awesome food, watched some great movies, and cleaned.
I actually looked forward to my period! I loved my period! I didnt think of it as a chore or a pain, it was a new start. A reminder of my ability to do something so amazing and profound as giving birth, a declaration of my womanhood. All of the shame vanished. Why should I be sorry about something that almost every woman on the face of this panet does or has done?
Forget being sad about it, I was going to dance while drinking chocolate soy milk.
My cramps vanished.
I was on prescription painkillers before, in bed for three days with a heating pad clutching my belly.
I didnt take any painkillers, not my prescription, not midol, tylonal, not even a heating pad. All that and I was cleaning the house, dancing, and sometimes doing both at the same time.
So women, stop giving into this idea that your period is a curse. Its not. Its your body cleaning house for a new month, its a symbol of your amazing ability to create and bring life into the world. Go have a freaking party.

One more thing: Dear Tampax, Midol, Yaz, and all of you other period haters - Fuck you.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Should we ban most marriages?

Enjoy, and California know that I stand side to side with you in this fight.
While now is a sad time we will look forward with hope, with a passion in our hearts for our fellow man.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Cunt VS Vagina

So many times when I use the C word (Cunt!) women go into a rage, understandably.
But let me explain why by looking at the origins of Cunt and Vagina:



by Gloria Bertonis, M.Ed. from the book Stone Age Divas

"Cuneiform", the most ancient form of writing, derives from "kunta" meaning "female genitalia" in Sumerian of ancient Iraq. "Kunta" is "woman" in several Near Eastern and African languages and a Mother Tongue that is being compiled by linguists today. It was also spelled "quna," which is the root of "queen." Since priestesses were known to be accountants/administrators of Temple of Inanna in Sumeria c.3100 B.C. when Cuneiform was first used, it is highly likely that cuneiform was "the sign of the kunta" who kept the books (clay tablets) for the temple economy/redistribution of wealth that evolved from communal economics of ancient mother-cultures.

So when an abuser calls a woman a "cunt" he is actually calling her a "queen who invented writing and numerals."


From the Doctors at

"The word "vagina" is a Latin word meaning "a sheath or scabbard", a scabbard into which one might slide and sheath a sword. The "sword" in the case of the anatomic vagina was the penis."


Taking that into account I choose between a queen who invented writing and numerals and a holding place for a penis. I chose Cunt. I sing Cunt. I love Cunt.