Wednesday, February 4, 2009

For real?

So, Im cleaning my house in my tank top and its hot. I wipe the sweat off of my chest and then feel this tiny pain, like a light bruise. So, I decide the best thing to do is go back to that spot and poke at it.

Its a massive lump.

There is a massive lump on my breast and I have no health insurance. So, I do the first thing that comes to mind. Call my mommy.

She proceeds to tell the entire family, then friends of the family, then just friends. Apparently once I tell her the information becomes public information.

The next day Im in tears. My great grandmother and my grandmother had breast cancer. Im only 23, this is impossible. Its probably a cyst. I take the next morning off from work so that I can spend a few hours with my partner, I need comforting. We get up, make some cinnamon rolls, its great.

Then I get an e-mail from my cousin, a text message from my mom's employee, and a call from my aunt all offering there sympathy. Did I die and just not realize it? Many of them made it a point to note hair loss. It really helped to calm me down. Do they know I havent been to the doctor yet, that no one is saying cancer?

My partner's father is an OBGYN. We called him immediately, he thinks Im too young for cancer and that its likely a cyst. Then again, breast cancer runs in my family... He offers to give me a breast exam for free while Im trying to figure out what to do as far as insurance goes.

Im touched, but I dont want to be touched. For now, Im going to pass.

My application and credit card information is with the insurance company, 7-10 days. So, no doctors appointment, no mammogram, no ultrasound for 7-10 days. No answers for 7-10 days.

Im really scared.


kiddlebug said...

Is is hard like a rock or slightly squeezable like a ju jube? I was told that it would be rock hard and would not likely hurt if it was bad news. Hang in there.

Vulva said...

Its like someone took a golf ball, cut it into three peices, and placed one of the end sides underneath my skin.

Its imbetween hard like a rock and squeezable like a ju jube.

Nina said...

There are lots of places throughout the country where you can get a free mammogram. Check the human services places in your county. There are people who will help you sooner. Wait, it's past 3/09/09.... Are you alright then?