Meet Our Models: Leigha

My Story

    How exactly does one write their own story? I've always though of a "story" to be so complete and final, and if that's true, how can I possibly know how to start and my own? So I shall try, as best as I can. 

My Intro to Porn
    When I was around 8, I spent the night at one of my cousins houses. When everyone was asleep, they turned on to the pay per view porn channels. I remember feeling so awkward about sneaking a peak every once in awhile. I felt even weirder with myself at how the man and woman interaction made me feel; clammy palmed, shaky and excited.

Self-Exploration
    Around the fourth grade (damn that seems so young), I learned the act of masturbation. I would sneak off to my room, lock my door, and grab a towel to use to keep my hands clean. Every time I would climax, I would feel so ashamed of myself. I would think that God would think i'm dirty and I would tell myself that I would never do it again. Even though I was never really religious, God would creep his way into my young conscience and leave me feeling guilty.

With Boys Comes Changes
    I started dating in the 7th grade. My first boyfriend was a bust but my second one was great. I remember one date was to the movies. Being on a first date at age 13, we did a lot more making out rather than watch the movie. It wasn't long before I realized that my underwear were wet. I didn't know what was wrong! I actually thought that I had pee'd myself!
    A few years later I met a guy while living in California and he made me the happiest I had been up to that point. He was sweet and truly caring towards me. He was there for me when I had no one and he stood by me even when I was being shitty. I will always cherish him for that. Anyways one day while at my house he lifted my shirt and explored my bare skin and I let him willingly. I knew I wanted more and sometime later he slipped his hands down my shorts. That was the first time I shared my "special place" with anyone.
    When I moved back to my mom's house at age 16, I decided to break up with my California boyfriend. A couple months later I was approached by a boy who is my current boyfriend. Right away we became intimate. It was exciting to learn more about the male erogenous zones and to have another person learn about my own. Even though we moved fast, I told myself that I wouldn't have sex until I was 18 and an adult. That wasn't exactly the case.

My First Time (this was hard to write)
    Waiting to have sex is very difficult. There is so much temptation when you're already intimate with a person.When I had sex for the first time, it was in the heat of the moment. I wasn't ready. It wasn't very special or anything. It was rushed and impersonal. Needless to say, I regret it. After it happened, I was very depressed. I cried myself to sleep a few times and I looked at myself differently and with shame. I put my boyfriend through a lot of distress afterwards, not even taking into consideration that it was his first time also. I don't blame my boyfriend for it at all though. I love him with all my heart. And while that was a long time ago, I still get choked up thinking about it.   

My Vulva & Me :)
    Even though I was upset with how things turned out, I now know that I can't change anything from the past. All I can do, and all I continue to do is look forward. I inform my younger sisters about their bodies and tell them to be comfortable with themselves, because no one wants to have that talk with their mothers. And even though as of July 2012, at age 18, I still haven't told my mother about my sexual activity, I know she will be supportive. I am also blessed to have shared my not-so-perfect moment with my current boyfriend. He is my best friend and he supports me no matter what. He reminds me that I am beautiful even when I don't feel that way.  But while I still see my flaws, he is helping my accept myself for who I am and what I look like. Except for these damn thighs! (just kidding)

Far From The End
     I know that it is far from over, but this is how I will end my story: One day in the future, when I am a mother, I will talk to my children about their bodies and the natural sexual activities they will experience. I will also try to be as supporting, informing, and as loving as I can be, all the while telling them that they are beautiful no matter what other people believe is the image of beauty.

"I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think" - Weezer

Dandelions Love Breasts: Our new Dandelion Breast Elixer is in!

Dandelions have a special proclivity for breasts.

Dandelion oil helps promote deep relaxation of breast tissue which keeps you from having sore, tender breasts. It also helps break down cysts, helps clear minor infections and relieves impacted milk glands. With all of these powers combined long term use helps reduce likelihood of developing breast cancer. 

Naturally, we had to put it into a lotion so decadent you would want to use it more than every day.
So, I blended organic dandelion oil into a rich, velvety cocoa butter cream base. Not only does cocoa butter smell and feel divine, it has long been used to help increase the elasticity of skin to help prevent the development of stretch marks.

To top all of that off I added a sprinkling of essential rose oil. Blended with the delicious smell of cocoa butter makes this stuff more addictive than lip balm: except its far better for your body.

Because not only are you regularly working to break down cysts and relax your breast tissue: your regularly massaging your breasts and when you do that you are far more likely to find any unwelcome lumps as soon as they arrive.


ingredients: water, mineral oil, glycerol stearate, cocoa seed butter, alcohol, organic dandelion oil, lanolin, rose essential oil, benzyl bezonate
*all of the ingredients are bought from companies certified as cruelty free by leapingbunny.org

Meet Our Models: Proudence

I Never thought that my vulva would be dirty.

Even when I realized that mine was not exactly “pretty” as ones I saw in many porn movies.

But... are they real? Maybe not.

And over all: Who decides if a vulva is “pretty”?

I'm not an expert maybe... but I never heard about canonical measure and proportions for a Vulva.

Have to read Winckelmann's ideal of beauty once again... There's something I don't get.

I can assure: my vulva is not so perfect (canonically speaking...) But she's so pretty the same!

And, to take care of her, and to cuddle her I decided to make her even more fabulous, with a inner labia piercing. That's my personal present for my 30th birthday.

Oh, I didn't tell you: my vulva has got a very big inner labia. But just one of them.

Can you believe it? So cute!

~Proudence

Meet Our Models: Chelle

My own body image has been skewed ever since I can remember. I am and always have been overweight. If it wasn't other children poking fun at me, it was my own family. I started developing at a very young age and had my first period a few months after my 10th birthday. I remember getting teased because I was the only girl in the 4th grade that wore a bra. After I got spotted taking a pad out of my backpack, any shred of dignity I had at that point was gone. So it's no wonder I have a severe insecurity about undressing around others, especially if it is with a partner.

Since I started puberty early: my curiosities started early. My parents were exactly comfortable with explaining anything of the sexual nature with a child. My mother at times wasn't completely honest with certain things in order to steer me away from anything she considered taboo. For example, she told me that it was unhealthy for a woman to shave her public hair. It wasn't until I was a young teenager did I figure out she was full of it.

As a teenager I had a lot of emotional issues. I did not find out until I was an adult that I had borderline personality disorder. One of the signature traits of a person with BPD is the desire to inflict self harm. Promiscuity is considered one of those common ways to do so and I was rather "loosey goosey" for a good portion of my teen and early adult years. I just didn't care. A few friends of mine would ask why I would do this to myself and I really never gave them an answer. I hated my body and was scared to show it to anyone. On the other hand, I was fulfilling the desire to hurt myself and I had someone's undivided attention for a while. I was starting to feel like my vagina was so used. Especially after I gave birth to my son. He was delivered vaginally and was a bigger baby. After my son's father and I ended our relationship I feared that no one would want a 23 year old with a young kid and  (what i felt was) a damaged vagina. Luckily I was  wrong and I met a man that loves my son like his own and makes me feel like a goddess. I was diagnosed with my disorder and am going through the steps to learn how to manage it. The only good thing that came out of all the shame people put me through is my keen ability to not give a damn what people think.
                                                                                                               ~Chelle

The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas!

For my birthday, my best friends in the whole world totally blew my mind by having this shipped right to my door. 

Thank you, Mr. UPS man for bringing me this book of Vulvas.

I love this. So, I am going to be posting all of my most amazing {....} coloring art works here so that my friends can see just how much they made my day. 

And Chris, because you love your beard and the many others that magnificent the faces of old men: 

enjoy my dapper, bearded Vulvas.

Special for you.

I colored this one while watching My Little Pony

Dapper Version

Meet Our Models, Violet

Hello my name is Violet,
Honestly my story isn't any better than the other stories I have read here.
Reading them made me sad and a few actually brought me back to my babysitter and her boyfriend and them raping me.

 

 

 I was only 7 or 8 and prior to the rape issue my babysitter used to sit in our tree and eat the glass from the Christmas tree lights we strung in it and left in there year round. I think she could have been on drugs actually thinking about it now and being a bit older and wiser. She would invite me over and make me suck her tits in this broke down beetle that was in her back yard while she would lick me.
Even worse was the rape. She trapped me in a play pen while her boyfriend would fuck her on the bed and make me watch, then they tied me down to the bed when they were done, stripped naked. I was really scared and I didn't know what to do. She told me I shouldn't be scared and I would like it, she started making me suck her tits again and her boyfriend would rub her and then she licked me and after she got me wet enough she would put her fingers inside of me. Then her boyfriend put his nasty penis in me and it hurt. I was crying and screaming and had absolutely no idea what any of this was -but it left me very damaged and fucked up. After they were done with their twisted game she told me if I told anyone they wouldn't believe me and she would come and beat the shit out of me for snitching.
She fucked up my head so bad, I thought this was all normal behavior and not some sort of sexual deviancy.
My parents never found out about it but the rest of the neighborhood did- I used to get beaten up for it and treated like absolute shit. So I stopped socializing with people and separated myself.
It was seriously traumatizing- I thought my vagina was a bad thing. Even at a young age I started abusing it because I didn't want it attached to my body.

To make matters worse I started missing my best friend so I went over to her house to talk and listen to music and just forget about what ate away at my mind. She wasn't home but her brother in high school was.
He heard about what my crazy babysitter and her boyfriend did to me and he ended up trapping me in my best friend’s room; pinning me to the ground and smothering me. I was trying to get away but I was a small kid- I couldn't even scream for help. He ended up raping me too.
I have dealt with a lot of self hate, loathing and abuse from others I loved and let into my life. Im made me so angry at the world.
While in middle school I made what i thought was a good friend and told her about what happened in my childhood.  She was fucked up too, I think hearing my stories in graphic detail actually aroused her and she molested me.
I finally grew some balls and told her mother what she did- she just laughed at me and said I was full of shit, that I was a horrible friend and I should never speak or see her again.
I had no problem with that- my problem was that I finally told someone about an issue and was told was a liar. My anger and lashing out continued because as a child in an adult world no one takes you seriously at all.
I started getting sad and cutting myself, listening to depressed music, got into hard core gaming and drugs; anything to forget that I was who I was. I started going by another name because I hated myself and what my past was so badly that I wanted to be new and reborn.

I stopped cutting 2 years after i got out of high school but my life wasn't easy; I had crappy relationships time and time again not just people I dated relationships but friends relationships as well.
I wasn't a good person; I was damaged and I hated everything about me.
I would be lying to you all now if I said I fully love myself because I really honestly don't, but after many years of being the victim in events of my life that get even more gruesome…its pretty bad. But now where my life has taken me as of last year I have actually start accepting a lot of things.
Like people that love me for me even if I'm flawed and still have thoughts that they are going to hurt me.
Right now I have the best relationship in the world, I have good friends and I'm happier in my life; though I still have my moments it’s easier to get through.

I think with time I won’t be so filled with this dark inside me that makes me feel useless and unappreciated at times.

I have a long journey ahead of me and I don't know where my life will take me but I can say I have been living my life more care free and fresh.
I'm hoping one day I can overcome all of this and fully live.

I hope I can be an inspiration to other women: even if your life is really bad and you went through even more than me,
you just don't give up!
Be strong be positive and even if you don't fully love yourself just love yourself the best you can so you can one day love yourself more.
Eventually it does get better- it just takes time. I'm still working on my life and we can just work on it together as survivors!